You can't do this to me, I'm an AMERICAN...

If you thought Indy 4 was arse, check out this interview with a Mr. G. Lucas. The bit I liked was when he said:
'Steven wasn’t that enthusiastic. I was trying to persuade him. But now Steve is more amenable to doing another one.'
ANOTHER ONE! What? Have you seen Crystal Skull? And I wonder why he wasn't enthusiastic? Is that because of the dumb alien script?
He continues:
'Yet we still have the issues about the direction we’d like to take. I’m in the future; Steven’s in the past. He’s trying to drag it back to the way they were, I’m trying to push it to a whole different place. So, still we have a sort of tension. This recent one came out of that.'
He's trying to drag it back the way they were! What an idiot, why would anyone want that? I'm sure the fans would love to see where Lucas can take it, see how many CGI characters we can crowbar into a poorly written script. Why don't you set it in space or in another dimension? Or you could make him a ghost and he could do archeology on the banks of the river Styx in the underworld.
I'm going back to bed.

PART TIME...

Right my loves!!!!

There are many things wrong with the new Indiana Jones film but after some amount of therapy I can now talk about it without scratching at my eyes and howling at the moon!!! I don't want to rant or needlessly put anyone down but there are even some real basics that were glaringly just...well wrong. The story was weak to the point of being insulting to the franchise. That is not to say that there weren't elements of the fantastical in the original three, but at least they never really came to the front of the film. They were always something that happened around Indy. When I first heard rumor of the intention to cross the genre of space and Indy, I just thought that no one would be daft enough to actually think that it was a valid idea...I was wrong. I managed to recently find an old Marvel comic entitled The Further Adventures of Indiana Jones which it has to be said although a bit cheesy in parts is actually a stronger story and even looks better than Crystal Skull. Speaking of which; was it just me or was there no real connection to the object in question. My point is that historically the object in these films lends some weight to the story Firstly you have the Ark which is "a radio for talking to God". Secondly you have the stone in Temple of Doom; which although flimsy at least there is an entire village that are depending on it and of course the third film uses the cup of Christ.

So the problem being that no-one actually cares about the Crystal Skull. There is no connection and very little back story to it we are almost asked to just accept that it is important to the story. Well I'm sorry but if I'm going to suspend my disbelief, I'll need some convincing. None of the characters really mention it after the first half of the film or if they do it's always with some underlying disdain. This translates so effectively that the piece in question ends up looking like something you might find in a plastic egg!!!!

Also for such an established team the editing was poor, the grade changed all the way through, at least it was more consistent than the story which was seemingly written by a blind dyslexic, and the inclusion of gophers was an absolute joke...and not a funny one.

In the words of Columbo; there is just one more thing and this may be the most annoying thing. In the trailer, when Harrison Ford recites the admittedly inspired line of "Part time" in response to the question that he is a teacher, he sounds like Indy should: Confident, cocky but cleverly a little wiser. I was impressed that seemingly a lot of effort and thought had gone into the process. However my good impressions were short lived. Whilst sitting in the cinema eagerly watching my world fall apart, I was shocked when the line delivered in the actual film was completely different. It sounded wrong. It sounded like Harrison Ford was having a bad day and they used a dodgy take. I suggest in future when G. Lucas decides to blow the dust off of one of his franchises he should simply go and have a shit...and maybe take an Indy comic to read whilst he's in there.