Don't be afrid...

Quite excited about this film...

Guillermo del Toro up to his usual tricks.

No warning. No Mercy. No Escape...

Paul Andrew Williams latest flick "Cherry Tree Lane" is on the warpath. It is a truly terrifying experience. Simple premise and claustrophobic as hell. Without giving too much away the story is set in one suburban home on, you guessed it, Cherry Tree Lane. Some ne'er do well youths break in and lay siege to the parents of a boy who has seriously pissed them off. There are a lot of "hoodie horrors" on the horizon but I have to say that this really does stand apart from the crowd. It has more of a feeling of Das Boot meets Straw Dogs via Funny Games. With the British Film Industry limping like a three legged whippet it's films like this and directors like Williams who prove that we truly have the best talent in the world. Quality not quantity. If you want to show support for this film then go to Steel Mill Productions and you will find links to the facebook, twitter and all other internet based things where one can show ones support...

I have to shit. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me...

So I’ve finally done it. Don’t all thank me at once, but I have at last, taken ‘one’ for the masses. Surly now I can be remembered as a real man, a true hero and a martyr to the people.

And what have I done to get this heady status? I watched The Human Centipede of course…

*SPOILERS*

It wasn’t that bad either, I’d like to brag about sitting through difficult to watch torture and grotesque scenes of a scatological nature, but I’m afraid I can’t, because this years most shocking film is just not shocking. As for 100% medically accurate, I think 100% medically boring might be closer to the truth.

Sure the subject matter is of a disturbing nature, I’m not saying you should sit down with the family and watch it over a meal, but as a film written around one sick idea; that of humans joined, against their will, ass to mouth. Then forced to live as a 12-limbed beast sharing the same gastric system, it should be more shocking. Sadly it’s just slow and a little funny.

I could almost forgive the obvious stereotypes, such as setting such a deprived act in Germany, and the hammy, shallow characters, if the shock value was a shock. It really felt like director Tom Six had thought of the most depraved act he could and then slotted it into a script he purchased from the Internet.

The girls involved in the ‘pede are American tourists driving in Germany and rather predictably get a flat tyre on a night out. Everything that James Cameron has done for strong women in cinema seemed to come unraveled at this point, as the two girls teetered around in their heels complaining they couldn’t possibly change the wheel. Looking for a phone they come across the ‘surgeon’s’ house and despite banging on about being from New York, put up little fight as their nightmare begins.

It’s all rather convenient and unbelievable. Surely if you expect the audience to suspend their disbelief that someone is capable of creating a human centipede, then you should at least make the rest of the story fall within the boundaries of acceptance, all a little hard to swallow, if you pardon the pun. Pointers to the disturbed nature of the villain end up backfiring too. Reminiscing over a previous attempt to make a K9 centipede, just looks like a picture of three dogs sniffing each other’s bums, nothing sinister in that.

The police ultimately come into the picture and despite their hard look and pushy nature they seem to be as affective as thimble of milk on a burning house…

The old saying: get it banned, get it noticed springs to mind or at least sprung to mind. There has been much press over The Human Centipede (amazingly it's Google's second suggestion when typing 'human into the search) although I don’t think it has been banned anywhere yet, perhaps because it’s so very tame. Whilst watching I was also reminded of the 1990’s series reboot of The Outer Limits, it has a cheap TV feel and could be told in half the time.

Only bother watching this if you have nothing better to do, or if it’s on at a party, worth it for a laugh, but that’s about it.

Woof.

How many legs..?

Trailer for The Human Centipede (First Sequence)
If you haven't heard about this film yet, check this out...

And an Q&A at the North American premiere...

Suicide Girls Must Die...

When I know more - you'll know more...

Killer tire movie...

Just go here...

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGHHHHH!!!...

It's fun time people. I got to thinking with Halloween just around the corner (albeit quite a large one) what decade was the best for our old friend the horror film?
The decision is yours.....

Tales from The Crypt...

Unfortunately not the old favorite we all know and love. No this is known simply as The Crypt and to be honest from the trailer looks like yet another low budget, quick turnaround tax dodge horror film. The premise? Six impossibly attractive "criminals" decide to plunder some booty that is rumored to be buried in some ancient spooky catacombs. Now it seems rather obvious that this being a horror the would be criminals each meet with an untimely demise. But why? well it turns out that the booty is cursed, a lazy plot device if you ask me. You may as well just say that a wizard has put an ancient curse on it. Anyway laziness aside the set design looks terrible in the sense that these are supposed to be "ancient" catacombs and instead it looks like somebody borrowed the set from Outpost's ghostly Nazi bunker. Not that ancient if you ask me. Anyhow judge for yourselves but to me the scariest thing in this trailer is the acting.

Give me some sugar baby...

Only last night I watched a possessed old lady spew maggots into a young girl's open mouth!!! That's right I am of course talking about the latest offering from Sam Raimi: Drag Me To Hell. There are good points and bad points but if I'm honest there's not many of the latter. This is horror almost at it's purest form. It makes you laugh, it makes you jump and it makes you deeply uneasy. The story is simple but effective, thanks to Sam and his brother Ivan and pretty much hits the ground running. From the off you know that this will not be an easy ride.

Without giving too much away we follow a young loans officer, Christina Brown, as she works her 9-5 with sights set firmly on a promotion. Her life gets a little more complicated after she denies an old Gypsie lady an extension on her mortgage. The elderly woman places a curse on her which sees our young heroine being stalked by a malevolent Demon that torments it's victims for three days before, you guessed it, dragging them to hell.

So far so simple. But it's not the story alone that sets this film apart, it's the innovative devices that Raimi uses, and uses so well. From possessed hankies to shifting shadows and flash imagery it soon becomes apparent that there will be a jump at every turn. This is back to grass roots Raimi that we haven't seen since a certain heroic chinned Ash waved his boomstick about. Sure we sure a glimpse of Raimi being let off of his leash somewhat in the hospital scene in Spiderman 2 but not until now has he been given the freedom to really let rip. And boy does he let rip. If I can urge you to see one film this year It would be this amazingly fun and pulpy offering from a master of his genre.

Right, the bad points. Or should that be point? Basically there are only a few moments where CG is favored over more organic effects, effects that Raimi has proved that he can do in his sleep. So why opt for the almost cartoonist use of, if I'm honest, poorly executed CG? This is the director after all, who convinced us that a man could swing with ease around the skyscrapers of New York. It seems a shame then that whilst watching DMTH there seemed to be areas of "special" effects wizardry that were anything but. However, this I feel is largely me being overly picky about a truly great film which is already destined to become a cult classic...

Give me back my hand...

Raimi back to his old tricks? I hope so. Poster for Drag Me To Hell looks great, monsters and demons and you know where you stand. Out 26th May. Wooof... (Check the trailer here)

You gotta be fucking kidding...

A quick heads up to Mr 6 for bringing this to my attention. I feared that this would happen, I had nightmares that it would fall into Paul W.S. Anderson or Uwe Boll's hands. It should not be touched in the first place by anyone. It is possibly THE most perfectly crafted thriller/horror/comedy ever made. That's right folks the sad news has arrived that that holy of holies John Carpenters' The Thing is being poked with a Hollywood stick. Read this premise and decide for yourselves: The story is a prequel charting the discovery of the mysterious ship in the arctic by a plucky team of Norwegian scientists. Obviously we already know their grim fate but it might be fun to see if the groundbreaking and frankly rather disturbing special effects can be topped...I doubt it. For a full report check here for the IMDb page. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you...

Terrorvision....

We all like a bit of Horror here at Doghouse towers, well, ironically with the exception of me, actually. Cosmo can usually be spotted sporting a lovely Fright Rag tee most days of the week, so this post is really for him.

Andrew Lindstrom of wellmedicated.com has kindly compiled a visual list of some of the most fantastic horror movie posters. They're split into Part One and Part Two.

I read this little tip off in February's edition of Creative Review.... great find, even if it was discovered a few months after he posted.

In fact, Andrew seems to have lots of interesting poster compilations, but the Horror posters really caught my eye and remind me that movie poster design has changed so much - and in my opinion has become a bit lame. There are of course regular exceptions, but in the absence of an outstanding exception why not enjoy these wonderful posters of days gone by....

LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS!!!!

Howdy Dog-bloggers!!!!

Thought some folks might like to see what the Gavin and Stacey lot did next. Well James Corden and Matt Horne anyway. That's right team in true groundbreaking British sit-com tradition they are making the leap into film. In a Shaun of the Dead-esque horror comedy vibe they are the stars of Lesbian Vampire Killers. It's a Ronseal title in that it does exactly what it says on the tin. The story is fairly easy, two backpackers come across a small town inhabited by... you guessed it Lesbian Vampires. So far so meh, I hear you flippantly reply. Well it has to be said that although the title sounds original the story is fairly standard cut-and-paste horror. However there is no denying that awards do mean something and James Corden has proved to be a stalwart comedy writer concentrating more on character than cheap gags. Let's hope that this translates to LVK. It is always good to see boys from Blighty getting on and trying to revive British Cinema and the project does sound and feel like they are really making it for them and us rather than pandering and adapting to attract U.S investment. Watch this space....

The Last House...

This is one remake that might be worth a watch...

The spirit of evil...

I've been looking forward to Oleg Stepchenko's Viy since its 2006 slated release date. Apparently the producers decided that they needed a couple more years in post to finesse the CGI, no complaints here. Viy is a horror short story by Ukrainian-born Russian writer Nikolai Gogol, first published in 1835, and now very much part of Russian folklore. The title refers to the name of a demonic entity central to the plot. Here's a synopsis -

Early 18th century. Cartographer Jonathan Green undertakes a scientific voyage from Europe to the East. Having passed through Transylvania and crossed the Carpathian Mountains, he finds himself in a small village lost in impassible woods. Nothing but chance and heavy fog could bring him to this cursed place. People who live here do not resemble any other people which the traveler saw before that. The villagers, having dug a deep moat to fend themselves from the rest of the world, share a naive belief that they could save themselves from evil, failing to understand that evil has made its nest in their souls and is waiting for an opportunity to gush out upon the world. Even in his worst nightmares our materialistic scientist could not suppose that he was going to meet devil’s faithful servant.
Now have a butchers at the trailer.

You'll wish it were only a nightmare...

Might be worth a watch. Getting sick of remakes, but Bay is behind this one and it's been ages since I saw the original. Might at least be better than another sequel? We'll see...

For Tonight's Show.....

It's pretty much like an emo wet dream, but the trailer for Darren Lynn Bousman's Repo! The Genetic Opera intrigues me. Already billed as 'cult' I wonder whether it will have the right mix of entertainment, great characters and wild visuals to really be deserving of that status. Of course, to be cult requires a cult following so it's success will be largely down to the audience and how much they dig the film. I guess a lot of people will be making the obvious comparison between this film and The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Well, that was over 30 years ago, so perhaps it's about time the somewhat limited genre of 'Rock Horror' had a new recruit.

Anyway, anything with the fantastic Anthony Stewart Head in it, along with Paris Hilton, Sarah Brightman and Paul Sorvino on the billing will get me down the cinema in a jiffy - even if it is a musical.

Any thoughts?

On Your Marks...

I think many of us can be certain that in some dribbly lager-fueled pub session there's been a 'Wouldn't it be cool if someone made a Big Brother horror film?' style topic mooted at the table. Well, I know most of the Doghouser's have barked about that idea at some point, and now writer Charlie Brooker has written a 6 part series for E4 on the very same subject entitled 'Dead Set'. I like the idea of a BB horror house, but the trailer doesn't inspire me with confidence on the originality front. Can horror ever be truly original? How many takes on virus ridden zombies can our screens take? Despite those issues, I'm certainly pleased to see horror on the small screen, and Brooker says himself that Dead Set "could not be described as a comedy". So it's serious then.

Well, I'm going to reserve judgment for now - there's plenty of room for original twists that the trailer is not revealing yet. However, Dead Set certainly does look like a lot of fun. Here's the trailer.

Aliens vs Vikings...

Have a look at this then. Its Howard McCain's Outlander, and it looks great.

There's something in the mist...

Bonjour!!!!!!

A quick heads up for all you fans of psychological-survival horror. Admittedly a very specific genre. I love this genre and count "The Thing" by John Carpenter as one of my all time favorite films. But enough about me let's talk about Frank Darabont's "The Mist". It has
to be said I'm not a huge fan of Stephen King adaptations with the exception of "The Shining" of course which King apparently hated. But this film is a surprise hit for me. It delivers in horror and tension and whilst it is a creature feature so much is left to the imagination that you really do buy into the characters fear. The sense of claustrophobia really kicks in and we start to see how people deal with a situation like this. That is the key I think. It is not about the mist itself although it does provide the threat it is about the instability of humans our weakness, our strength and our fear. Above all though it asks the important question of how far would you go? A great, great film that should be enjoyed (no matter how bleak) by everyone.